Shattered Hope

I have a ficus tree that is part of my decor. Actually I have two of them. One is in the dining room and one is in the living room. They serve as a home for  some of my inspirational words of motivation. One such trinket is a little white wooden item that simply says HOPE. 

The other day I sat down with my morning coffee and happened to glance up at the tree. My little wooden sign had tumbled from its assigned parking spot and was all askew several limbs down near the base of the   trunk. As my eyes fell on this, I distinctly heard these words.."Don't let your HOPE Shatter." 

I was surprised to hear these words because I didn't know my hope was in fear of shattering. I thought I was OK, strong enough to withstand most things. Even the trial of Moriah's cancer diagnosis did not appear to have shaken me beyond my Hope for her healing.   In examining where I was with this issue, I asked that the Lord reveal any hidden meanings that I was blind to.

As the day wore on,  my spirit came under attack. All my doubts and uncertainty  came to the surface of my heart. Suddenly I was overwhelmed. The grief of Rachel and Earl, Moriahs parents, as they suffer the reality of a disease that could not only destroy their daughters body, but could also kill her, clouded my heart. The distress and silent suffering of her siblings, including her  twin sister Ashlee, clouded my senses. The fact that Satan and his evil minions had chosen to invade our family caused anguish to my soul. Huddled at the foot of the cross, trying to keep my head above water so as not to drown in my tears, I cried out for deliverance.

It was then that I once again heard those words.."Don't let your HOPE be shattered." As I huddled in the darkness of my fractured faith, I realized that it is God who knows the end result of all things. It is God who gave his son for us all. It is he who knows how it feels to loose a beloved child. If anyone can comfort me, Lord it is you. Only you can comfort me in the midst of the possibilities that loom ahead. 

I will look to you as the one in whom I trust day and night. Your faithfulness is forever...even when all around me is frightening and dark. Lord  as  you hold onto Rachel and Earl during this nightmare, may your glory be brought to the forefront. Be glorified in all that is ahead. I will trust in your faithfulness. I look back on the things you have brought me through. Lord, I will hold onto your truth that says that regardless of what I see, you are my strong tower. Lord, I pray that you bring Moriah through this in triumph. You have a plan and a destiny for her life. Lord I pray for her life. Let her bling be be bright as the noonday sun. You are my God and you reign. Let the redeemed of the Lord sing Halleluiah. Let us remember that you are  the one true God.

Whether Moriah lives or dies, you will still be God...You are still sovereign. If Rachel and Earl are called to loose their child, they will not be the only parents to have lost a child. My niece Kimberly and her husband spent six years loving their horribly deformed child, giving her all the care they could to make her comfortable, all the while,  knowing their little girl would not live. Yet they did it with grace.  If I must go down that same journey, I am not the only grandmother to loose a grandchild. Evangeline is a grandmother who not only saw her 2yr. old granddaughter almost drown, but as a result of that accident, also had to take care of this very disabled child in her own home for several years  before the child died. Know one gets to choose what their journey will look like. They do, however, get to chose how they walk it. Whether or not they walk it with grace is up to each individual person.

Lord, I pray for your grace to cover us all during this part of our journey with Moriah. I pray that you come through for her on our behalf. I pray that Moriah is brought through as a trophy of faith. The word is full of instances where  children were spared to complete their destiny. Issac was spared as he was asked to be a sacrificial test, Moses was spared to deliver a nation when the king wanted all the boys killed, Mephibosheth, Jonathan 's son,  was spared simply so that King David could show kindness to someone in Jonathan's family. And of coarse, Jesus was spared as a baby so that we could all be delivered from the consequences of sin. 

I don't know what Moriah's destiny will be, but I continue to ask that she come through this cancer diagnosis and let the spiritual DNA that was placed in her before she was born, come forth and shine. I thank you ahead of time that she be the person she was meant to be and that all her bling ..both earthly and spiritual, will show and shine brightly for ever and ever..

Regardless of what my eyes see, I will continue to look to the Lord to keep me faithful and true.  He has been faithful to me during all the hard times in the past. I will continue to trust in the one true God and I will not allow my HOPE to be shattered.

 

Standing On His promises

Every Sunday after church, there is always that little excitement that touches my soul and reminds me that God is who he says he is. I have heard from the preacher and praise reports from others in the crowd about the many promises the Lord has granted. It is easy to believe the words of God when the request has been granted..a job found, a financial windfall or  a healing  that has been long awaited. What is hard is when I am on the waiting end of the promise to be fulfilled.

When I am awaiting the tests and a bad report comes, am I still excited? It is during this time.. that space where my knees are quaking and I am struggling to believe those same promises..  that my armor starts to rattle. Just such an instance is occurring now. My 12 year old granddaughter, Moriah, has just been found to have a tumor on her liver. That is not supposed to happen to anyone in my life. Not anyone close to me. It only happens to those other people around me..right? It is supposed to happen to others that I pray for... Those to whom I can give a good word. Not someone near and dear to me. Yet it has.

This morning, I found myself crying out to God for his promises to come true in this situation. I asked that in addition to his promises for healing, that his promises for strength be added to Moriah's parents,  Rachel and Earl, as they have been forced to lay their daughter on the alter of faith. Knowing them, they would much rather have been laying there themselves. But that is not their part of the journey. Like Abraham was asked to trust in his God and  lay down his son Issac, they have to stand on the promises of their God  for their child. While Abraham and his son were fighting the fight of faith on the mountain, his friends were waiting down below for their return.

Everyone must walk their own journey...but no one walks it alone. Each of us has a part to play. Perhaps we are the one who encourages the parents to take another step or reminds them that they are they are not alone. Some maybe anointed to bring a casserole to those left at the house. Another may have the financial means to help  with the extra expenses required during hospital visits and lost days of work.

Standing on the promises is an opportunity for the whole of Gods church to come together and support each other.  Each of us will have our turn fighting the fight of faith in the midst of the battle...no one escapes this forever. But it is my prayer, that each part of the body of Christ,  will search their heart and stand collectively on the promises of God to sustain each other.

Be blessed today and remember..He is the same yesterday, today and forever..

The Day After

This was a blog of Christmas 2010...a little late but then my age proceeds me as my body and mind slowly catch up with each other...lol

Yes Lord, we did celebrate your birth yesterday. I am not sure how much actual celebration WITH you occurred..but it did take place on your behalf. Because of the announcement of your birth on the actual calendar, we were able to set aside a special time to be a little more kind to each other and think about others more than ourselves. I was pleased with my younger grand children this year.

Coming from a home where the ability to pinch a penny comes naturally, special events where gifts are expected, require some real forethought. Re-gifting is not a new concept in this household. In a family with five girls of varying sizes... sweaters, shoes, coats, etc are naturally given to the next girl in size. Of coarse, this is called hand-me-down instead of re-gifting...but the concept is certainly not new. It was the uniqueness of their re-gifting abilities that were so very special this year. Their appraisal of what they had to give and  the actual thinking of what which sister might want.. was the the part that brought a smile to my face.

For example, Madelynns' beloved Easy Bake Oven, so precious to her for so many years, would have been less than well received by anyone of the other sisters. She chose to give it to Moriah. Not only because she has admired the oven from afar for many years, but because she is also the one who shares an interest in cooking. The others thought just as much in their transfer of gifts to each other. Another example was  Natalies' thought process. She took the pieces of Ashlees' old baby blanket... that she has carried around for years... and reconditioned it. By sewing the pieces together, she then tacked it onto another larger throw quilt that was her favorite color..red.  It came out very good and was so appreciated that Ashlee even started crying..not a usual emotion from this child.  The hope is that it will last long enough to be passed down to her child when she has it. We'll see.

 It is times like this that I know  my dear husband would have loved seeing the girls as they are growing both physically and emotionally. I wish he could have been here to see this..Then again, whose to say he wasn't watching??

Return From Egypt

It has been sometime since I have lived by myself. After moving into my new apartment, I am starting to feel better. I did not realize how isolated I had become. I love my new dwelling. I  thought it would be noisy since there are families with children living in this complex,  as well as elderly and handicapped. But I have been pleasantly surprised. I rarely hear the neighbors. The actual move was extremely easy. The Lord showed himself strong..as usual. Most of the utility deposits were waived, which was only because of the grace of God.  The Lord pointed  pointed me to a nice used car that was mechanically safe and had all the bells and whistles for someone of my style. In fact, the actual miles were almost 100,000 miles fewer than on the expedition I just sold... even though this vehicle is 5 years older. The inside looks like it was driven by a little old lady that drove it to the grocery once a week and then parked it in the garage. All I had to do is spend less than $100 to get the passenger window fixed and that was it..  The longer I live, the more I see that my God is always on my side. Great is His faithfulness. The details were truly taken care of ..and I didn't even know what the details were. Have a blessed day and remember He is the same yesterday, today and forever!!

Details

Just a personal encouragement to all...

We all know that the Lord uses small, everyday things to remind us that he is control...the following is just an example to us all that we truly serve an awesome God...

All week I have been helping in the kitchen at vacation bible school. I was passing out cookies when I noticed that I was running out of the kids favorite chocolate chip cookies. I knew there would be arguing if some kids had a different type so I usurer up a quick prayer that there would be enough of the same type. Sure enough, I had exactly enough chocolate chip cookies for the number of children. As soon as I set the last cookie down in its place, I clearly heard the Lord say, "I will take care of the details." I thought that was great and went on about my business..

The next morning..as an after thought about selling my gas gussler of a car, I stuck a for sale sign on the window and drove it out to the front yard so passers by might see it. I had put Earl's phone number on the sign so he could answer all the questions that would probably come up. I didn't have time to tell him about it but figured it would take a couple of months before the car sold. I knew I had plenty of time to tell him when he got home from work that night.

A couple hours later, Natalie wanted me to take her to the library. So I told her to go out and take the for sale sign down out of the window before we left. When she went out, the sign had fallen off the window. I thought I would have to put the sign up better after I got back from the library.

A few minutes later, I was in the library when I heard Earls voice calling out to me.

Mom, he said, I forgot to tell you I made an appointment for someone to see the car and they are waiting to see it at the house. I gathered the kids and went home.

Long story short, he bought the car as is right then and there....paying me the asking price in cash..no questions asked. In fact, they had to make a dash to get it licensed. He needed it right then.

Somehow, the buyer had seen the sign sometime before it fell out of the window. Come to find out, they were on there way to see a car in another town and just "happened" to see the sign in the window.

I am moving out of my present living situation into an apartment and had been worried about coming up with all the extra moving expenses..deposits etc. This situation was just a reminder to me of the love of the Lord for me..He loves me so much, he will take care of every detail!!!!!

So, if you happen to be wondering if the Lord is taking care of things...let this be an assurance to you...He is in charge of all the details..(even down to the last cookie..)

Have a great day.. and remember... He is the same yesterday, today and forever...

Nervious Christians

2 Corinthians 4:18

We set our eyes not on what we see but on what we cannot see. What we see will last only a short time, but what we cannot see will last forever.

Thought for today.....focus on things that are not seen

Recent unrest world wide has produced some nervous Christians. Media accounts of earthquakes, oil spills, rising gas and grocery prices, focus on issues of disturbing proportions that concern us all. When I allow myself to focus on these, I too have a tendency to become a nervous Christian.

A couple of years ago, my income suddenly dropped by over two thirds. Prior to this, I did not worry so much about the changing times. I had enough income to make everyday decisions....with a little room for a mistake or two if necessary. When all of that changed, I found myself looking more at money issues than before. Focusing on priorities...what I absolutely had to have and how much I could do with out... became a daily concern.

As a Christian for many years, I know that I don't really take care of myself. Yet, keeping a tight rein on how much I had and how long that was going to last, gave me some idea of security. Growing up in a very dysfunctional home, made me think I had to always look after myself because no one else would. As soon as I was bringing home an income, I would lay it all out and adjust how much I could afford on car payments, gas, food, rent etc. My security was in knowing what I had.

Because of this, I must admit that there are some days when I am one of those nervous Christians. Yet, when I get this way, my experience with the Lord over the last 50 years, reminds me of His faithfulness to me. He has been the one constant throughout my tumultuous childhood and the ups and downs of a long marriage. I have confidence that as I enter this final stage of my journey and focus on those things I cannot see, He will continue to manifest his deliverance and strength in all my areas of weakness.

Prayer: Lord, I give you all my worries, my doubts, my dreams and my concerns. It is you who can bring them together and make them into a seamless garment of grace and mercy. My faith in you over the years has proven that you always have what concerns me in the palm of your hands. Lord change me from a nervous christian to one who knows where her strength comes from.

It's Stretching Tme Again

If my husband had lived, two days ago would have been my 42nd anniversary. I used to forget what the exact date of our anniversary was and Dan would have to remind me. Now that he is gone, I seem to automatically remember it...I remember a lot of things now.

When we first got married, there were those who predicted that our marriage wouldn't last. They were almost right..our marriage could have failed on many occasions. But not for the reasons that our friends first thought. When we met, he was the song leader at camp and I was a camp counselor. His overtly gregraious personality appeared to be way overpowering next to my calm, quite exterior. It was because of this obvious difference that many a prediction was voiced that we were doomed as man and wife.

For the most part, it was the Air Force that saved our marriage over those first years. (Being unable to run home to "mama" when things got bad was a blessing in disguise.) The draft was on going in the 60's and Dan left to go over seas, three weeks after we were married. Being only a "one stripper," he was not allowed to take a wife with him. Young love and it's ability to overcome, cannot be overstated. After I found out that his boss would allow a wife to visit for a few weeks, I quickly saved the money to catch a flight to join my new husband. Soon I was on my way to join him in the squalid little town of Happy Valley in Goose Bay, Canada.

Coming from a long line of Gypsy, survival stock and being a 20 year old, extremely naive bride, I packed my bags with house hold goods and used my clothing as padding. (In 1968, airline baggage criteria was much more lenient.) In the back of my mind was the idea that I was going to pay a one way ticket and somehow find a way to stay there until my new groom could accompany me home...in two years. (This details of this adventure is for a future novel still in the gray matter of this author.)

Looking back to that time from the stand point of where I stand now, I can see why my poor mother was in so much distress at the thought of her oldest daughter traipsing off to parts unknown. The war was on and even though I wasn't going to a war zone, I would be out of her sight...and her protection. Being raised just outside Kansas City, most of my life, I had been protected from the ugly side of life. Add to that, the fact that I had never flown in a plane or even been to an airport, I was very much about to be in way over my head. I was about to be stretched..really, really stretched.

Philippians 4:13 says, I can do everything through him who gives me strength. Up to that time, my past 20 years at home had been a stretching experience..although I thought it was just normal life. Little did I know that the previous years of struggle, would be the foundation that would see me through the next 60+ years.

At the beginning of this year, the Lord told me I had grieved long enough and that it was now time for me to do some stretching. I am not sure what all that may be involved, but having had many times of stretching over my life, I know it always means reaching out from inside myself to a place beyond my normal limits.

Many things have happened over the last two years since Dan's death. For the most part, I was blessed not to have had to reach out or strain my emotions anymore than I wanted to. But even at my age, it seems I have some growing to do...and so, once again, I will trust in the Lord from where my strength comes from...when the Lord requires me to do some more stretching, I have learned it is for His honor and glory. My life is not yet over...its stretching time again..